This is Part 2 of a 5 part series discussing the delicate issue of asking an elderly parent to retire from their driving career.
“NOT IT!”
In our previous article “Talking Sex and Talking Driving” we discussed six possible reasons why emotions and perceptions may play a role in distorting a family’s evaluation of driving abilities, however unintentional that distortion may be.
Today we will briefly discuss “who” should start the conversations with a loved one about a possible retirement from what was probably a long and successful driving career.
As we know, all family make ups are different and each family structure comes with its own, unique intricacies. Therefore, no two situations are ever the same. Fortunately certain studies have uncovered some common trends which are discussed below. But first let me say that how and when the family approaches this delicate issue can make all the difference in the world as to how it is received by the elderly driver.
Spouse: Men prefer to hear the information from their spouse slightly more than women do. The nice thing about having a spouse initiate the conversation is that 1) the spouse has more than likely personally observed poor driving, and 2) a spouse has experience in working through delicate and sensitive issues with his/her loved one.
Adult Child: For many reasons, hearing such news from an adult child works best when the adult child also happens to live nearby.
Doctor: The good news is that seniors are usually open to the opinions of their doctor, the bad news is that not all doctors agree that they are the best source for making driving-related decisions. Do you know of a time when a doctor didn’t even want to get involved with an older patient about driving-related issues?
Police Officer: More than anyone, older drivers do not want to have a driving-related conversation from the police, even if it is on a friendly basis. That’s not hard for most of us to understand.
There is a whole myriad of other individuals and professionals that can be used in the conversations. In our “Driving Intervention 101” program we also discuss the role these other individuals should play.
It should also be noted that this conversation with an older driver should not be one specific “event”. Rather it should be several little conversations over time. This approach will not only make the entire process more effective, but will also help protect the dignity and self-respect of your loved one.
Again, this article is meant to serve as a very basic introduction to the issue of driving conversations. In reality, there is a whole science dedicated to the topic and we have programs that can help you better prepare for these types of talks. However, in the absence of all other resources, if you simply remember to be guided by the following statement your conversations should prove successful:
“After driving safety, helping the individual maintain his or her dignity should be the #1 concern!”
To learn more about our unique and innovative programs and how we can help YOU, please visit Keeping Us Safe at www.keepingussafe.org or call us toll-free from anywhere in the U.S. at 877-907-8841.
In this article we discussed who should be involved in family discussions related to an elderly loved-ones driving.
In part 3 of this 5 part series, we are going to look beyond the obvious at why senior drivers are often reluctant to give up their driving (even when they know it’s the right thing to do) in an article titled “But I Can’t Give Up My Driving”.
Matt Gurwell is the developer of the nationally-recognized “Beyond Driving with Dignity” program. He currently lectures throughout the United States on topics related to the aging process and its adverse affects on driving skills. As developer of this life-saving program, Matt’s mission is to provide strategies and guidance to seniors that will help them to continue driving safely until the decision is made to retire from their driving career. The “Beyond Driving with Dignity” program also provides an excellent array of services and resources for both families and professionals as they deal with this very sensitive issue. Matt retired from a very distinguished and successful 24-year career as an Assistant District Commander with the Ohio State Highway Patrol. After leaving the Patrol, Matt has participated in a tremendous amount of work in the area of older driver research, best practices, current vehicle safety technologies, and adaptive equipment. Matt's creative, innovative and common sense approach, combined with his uncanny ability to bring calm and resolve to stressful situations without ever jeopardizing the dignity of others, has contributed greatly to the success of the “Beyond Driving with Dignity” program. When asked what the ultimate motivation was for starting the program, Matt explains: "There was never one particular event. It was the result of 20-plus years of holding dying people in my arms at terrible car accidents, and delivering dozens and dozens of death notifications to families. I would much rather work with families to bring a peaceful resolve to this sensitive and uncomfortable issue now, rather than have them deal with it when a State Trooper is knocking on their front door". Matt serves as Senior Care Authority’s Program Director for the “Beyond Driving with Dignity” program. Senior Care Authority (https://www.seniorcareauthority.com) is now the nation’s exclusive provider of the “Beyond Driving with Dignity” program.
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